It Could be Worse...

The questions below constitute a screening tool for potential roommates/significant others/friends/children. It may or may not be based on a stunt my roommate pulled last weekend, and I may or may not have come close to running her over with my car afterwards.

Some of you took this quiz earlier in the week via email. I apologize for the redundancy. However, there is an addendum - as Cara has said, "It could be worse." Stay tuned for details (below).

Quiz: Are YOU a moron?
(Answers follow - but no cheating!)

1. What do you make when you mix flour with water?

2. How old were you when you first figured this out?

3. Let's say you, for some unexplainable reason, want to dispose of 1.5 lbs of flour. Do you:

a) Go outside and pour it on your head

b) Dump it off the balcony onto unsuspecting passersby

c) Throw it in the trash can

d) Dump it in the sink, turn on the water and the garbage disposal, and leave the room while the sink fills up because you have clogged the drain with your mixture (see #1 for reference)

e) Any of the above EXCEPT (d)

4. Let's say you make the wrong choice on #3 (I know, I'm giving away answers here) and pick (d). Do you:

a) Scoop it out quickly before anyone notices

b) Try to shove the congealed mess down the drain with one of those soap-dispensing, replaceable-head sponge thingys, losing the head in the process (because you have successfully created a sticky sinkhole)

5. Ok, so let's say you've completely lost your head and you picked (b) for #4. Now, do you:

a) Realize your stupidity, smack yourself on the forehead and say "D'oh!," and meekly clean it up (including fishing the sponge head out of the drain)

b) Drive to Austin for the weekend with your boyfriend - leaving a pound and a half of paste/dough in the sink for your roommate to scoop out with a spatula the next morning so that she can wash her breakfast dishes

Answers:

1. PASTE, which quickly turns to thick, sticky dough

2. I'm gonna guess by 4 years old?

3. C is probably the best choice, but E works just as well.

4. A is probably your best choice. B creates more problems but is still solvable

5. Again, A would be acceptable. B is just plain NOT COOL.


Now for the fun part -
The other night I went out for a few drinks after class. We frequent the "Bier Haus" and are usually among the only people there, so we end up sitting at the bar chatting with the owners. One of my friends asked about the outcome of the "Flour Incident," and I ended up telling the owner, Paul, the whole story. He laughed and ordered me a pint of Purple Haze on the house (score!).

Then Paul pointed to a crack in the floor, and (unknowingly) quoted Cara: "You know, it could be worse." He explained how just before he purchased the building many years ago, there had been a tiff among the family selling the place, resulting in a very angry step-son-in-law's cousin (or something like that). The guy was so mad he went to the building one night and poured concrete down the drain, permanently blocking the pipe system that ran under the building. Thus the small bump and crack in the cement floor as the concrete dried and busted the pipe. I guess the guy did come by a couple months later and apologize for his actions, and shortly thereafter he moved to California.

The first moral of the story is - no matter what happens to you, it could always be worse. I could have concrete in my sink. (The flip side, of course, is that it could also be better - my roommate has neither apologized nor moved to California.)

However, the real message here is that drinking can always make you feel better. As the wise Homer Simpson has said, "Beer is the ... solution to all of life's problems." Cheers!